The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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