A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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