I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
