All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
