The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
