i think i have herpe
just one?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
