woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize