Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm getting married
To pizza
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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