Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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