Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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