bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My vagina just clenched in fear
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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