Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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