Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
