it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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