you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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