ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
