all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
