and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
