I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
