I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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