Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
