I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
