She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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