I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
