Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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