I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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