take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
