clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
