Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize