Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
