Swine flu. Run for my life!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
