69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
