My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
In America we eat man semen.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
