how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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