I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
