Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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