At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
