I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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