her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
ok first of all what the fuck
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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