Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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