I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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