I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
