I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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