I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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