he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He felt like a one man threesome
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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