i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize