Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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