We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
