Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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