His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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