I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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