Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
