My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
