He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize