Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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