can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had to cum in my sink.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
