i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
