you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize