The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize