is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
