The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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