They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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